When Worlds Collide Page 3

  “I want you; so fucking much I can’t breathe. Let me have you.” I closed my eyes as I waited for her to tell me to get off of her, but the words never came. Instead I felt her hands on my back, comforting me. As if she knew the war being waged inside me.

  “I want you too, but…” I covered her lips before she could finish. I knew well what she was going to say. I’ve been saying it to myself on a daily base. Hearing her say that she wanted me too, even though I knew it, was like a fire under my skin.

  I left her lips and kissed her temple softly. I let my lips make their way along her hairline from her temple and around to the other side. Our hearts beat fast enough I could feel them keeping pace with each other.

  I never prayed for anything in my life like I prayed in that moment for an answer. I could never use her; have her living on the outskirts of my life looking in while I lived with another woman. But there was only one way I could have her, and it seemed closed to me.

  I nudged her chin until her lips were beneath mine once more and made myself go slow this time. Now that I had just a little control, now that I knew she wasn’t going to turn me away, I could relax and enjoy her, revel in her sweet kisses.

  I made love to her lips and she let me, returning my kiss and embrace. My dick was hard enough to chip diamonds and as much as I wanted to yank her shorts off down her legs and fuck into her hard until this raging need subsided, I knew that I wouldn’t. Not now, not here.

  I waited for my fiery girl to come to her senses any minute now and tell me off when my cock pressed into the heat between her thighs, but instead she moved under me in the age old rhythm of fucking. I pressed my cock harder into her, letting her take what she wanted from the hard ride behind my zipper.

  I groaned into her mouth and felt need rise up inside me, such need, as I’ve never known before. I was in danger of going too far and just saying fuck it and taking her right here and now. I was so close, could already imagine the feel of her wrapped around my cock…

  But my ingrained training kicked in and in the end it was I who pulled away. She tried following my lips with hers and I had to calm her with a few more light kisses on her soft lips. I brushed the hair back from her face and waited for her eyes to clear and focus on mine.

  “Not like this baby. When I take you the first time it will be in my bed. Come.” I helped her up from the ground and caught her against me when her shaky legs gave out. I closed my eyes and kissed her hair, and the action seemed so intimate, so telling, that it made my heart squeeze painfully.

  “Go baby, before I do something I’ll regret.” I let my hands drop from around her and could already feel the loss. She gave me a look that I didn’t quite understand before turning and running through the trees away from me. I stayed back a little while longer until my ardor cooled and my dick was once again under my control.

  I went back to the house deep in thought. I didn’t put too much thought into that look she’d given me before she left, my mind was too filled with ways of getting us out of this mess. I knew what I had to do. I think I’d always known. But I had to use my head and not let emotion rule my every move. Everything depended on it.

  My first choice would be to make her mine now, today. Just take her down to the courthouse and get the deed done. But that wouldn’t be fair to her and the others who’d be affected by that decision. Plus I want more for her than a rushed marriage as if I were ashamed of her, of us.

  When I make her mine she would have the same grand affair as the one I’m sure my mother has been planning in her head since I became of marriageable age. I want the whole world to see that she was my choice. To understand what that meant and respect it or bear the consequences. It was the only way this would work.

  I didn’t see her again that day and I was too preoccupied to realize that I hadn’t even had the pleasure of hearing her voice outside or downstairs. Maybe it was because I’d prefer that the next time I saw her I had some good news to share.

  I knew what she wanted, even without the words ever being spoken between us. It was in her eyes each time she looked at me, just as I knew it was reflected in mine. If I didn’t know better, if I believed in such things, I’d say that we’d been made for each other.

  She’d become such a huge part of me in such a short time it was hard to imagine a time when she wasn’t here. I should’ve accepted my fate a long time ago. I knew better than most that it’s a fickle thing indeed to fight that shit. But it was my need to be fair to all involved that had tied my hands this long. Hearing her say she was leaving put paid to that shit right quick though.

  Helen, like myself, had known that we were meant to marry. Neither family had ever hidden that shit, not the way they’d taken every opportunity once we came of age to throw us together. It was amazing to realize that I had no idea what she really thought about the whole thing. We never spoke on it. I just took it for granted from her past actions that she was all for it. She’d even claimed to love me once or twice. But how can I be sure? She’s never looked at me the way my baby does.

  In our circles you just did what was expected without question. It was that way with my parents and theirs before them. And I would’ve followed suit, done my duty and found whatever happiness there was to be had in the situation, if not for a pair of pearl gray eyes that looked into my soul like none other have ever done before.

  Just thinking of her brought to mind this morning and what we’d shared, what I hoped to share more of with her for a lifetime and beyond. It was easy once I allowed myself to accept the truth. There’s no way in hell I could go on without her. No way I could wake up each morning for the rest of my life and not own her. Not have her next to me every step of the way.

  It was the thought of her going off somewhere and making a life with someone else that really lit a fire under my ass. I had no doubt that there were any number of men out there who would be only too happy to have her. Fuckers!

  No one else is going to have her, not ever. I couldn’t live with it. So what was the point of giving everyone else what they wanted if it was only going to bring pain and suffering? I could never give anyone else what was rightfully hers and I’d be damned if I’d let anyone else take what’s mine.

  With the decision finally made I was able to relax. Now all I needed to do was let all concerned know of my decision. Who should I talk to first? How should I go about this in a way that would cause the less harm?

  There was no way to avoid the fallout, but I’ve had to accept that someone was going to lose. Of all the choices, she was the only one I couldn’t bear to hurt. I never want to see her looking so lost and alone again, not if I can help it.

  I’m not ashamed to say I was no longer too concerned with how the others were going to take it. It was for the best. For her happiness and mine, and also for the happiness of the woman who was expecting me to marry her. She’d be better off finding someone who would love her. I couldn’t.

  I was preoccupied at dinner and mom noticed, and asked me once again what was on my mind. I could’ve told her then and there, but thought it best to approach Helen first. No matter how important this match was to our mothers, it was she who was going to be most affected. It was only fair that she be the first to know.

  I’ll take care of all this and then have that long awaited talk with my little hellcat, then maybe she will sheath her claws. Except in my bed. There I want to feel the sting of her nails… For fuck sake Ethan get a grip. You’re sitting at the dinner table across from your mother imagining… Geez I’ve got it bad.

  I answered mom’s questions halfheartedly but enough to get her off my back. She can be rather tenacious once she gets something between her teeth, and I knew this was going to hit her hard once it came to light. She’s not in the habit of having her wishes thwarted and I could imagine the hell she was going to put me through. But one thought of those eyes and I was willing to face anything.

  After dinner I took a stroll around the grounds. Something I hadn’t done i
n years until a few months ago when I let Lucia browbeat me into taking a walk with her in the moonlight. As hard as we tried to keep our feelings hidden, it was little things like that that I was sure would give us away before long.

  We couldn’t seem to help ourselves. We took any opportunity to be together no matter how mundane. There was no doubt in my mind that had I caved and given into my mother’s wishes that I’d have ended up an adulterer. Something I couldn’t have lived with, because I would’ve been dragging her down with me as well. She deserved better, more. She deserved all of me.

  5

  The walk was bittersweet because she wasn’t there to share it with me. I’ve found in the last few months that a lot of things had lost their spark because she wasn’t there with me. Things that I once enjoyed no longer enticed.

  There was always a feeling of emptiness. Or a sudden moment when I’d think, ‘she’d really like this’. Or even worse, the times I’d reach for her hand to share some new find with her, only to remember that she’s not there.

  After that moonlit walk, I’d distanced myself, even more. That was the beginning of this little tug of war. Before then we’d skirted around each other, but there was still room for doubt. I’d been very careful not to give too much away, not to encourage what I had already seen growing in her eyes. After that night there was no mistaking that there was something there on my part.

  We hadn’t said anything suggestive to each other. The conversation had been light and friendly banter. But you could’ve cut the tension with a knife. It was in the days following that night that her hatred of Helen had come to the forefront.

  She was telling me how she felt without coming right out and saying the words. But by then I’d already known. She wasn’t sophisticated enough to hide her feelings, not like I was. But that night she must’ve seen something in me, something I hadn’t been aware of giving away, and it had freed her up.

  The night air was cool now as I looked up at the starlit sky wishing she were here with me. I missed her. So much that I was tempted to go get her. My need for her that had been on a slow burn for the longest time was reaching the boiling point. I’m afraid that if I don’t do something soon things just might get out of hand.

  I’m a man of great appetites. For that reason, the fact that I’d bedded my intended only once should’ve been a huge tipoff. I was way beyond thinking about that now though, right now those appetites were leading me in a whole other direction. A direction that was sure to get out of hand if I didn’t do something soon.

  I left the gardens where she spent so much time that I’d begun thinking of it as hers and headed up to bed. Tomorrow I will offset a shit storm of monumental proportions, I need to be well rested for this shit. My last thought before I fell asleep was that before long she’d be joining me in my bed.

  I’m going to kill her. As soon as I get my hands on her skinny little neck I’m going to twist it the fuck off. “How long ago did she leave?” I was already heading for the door not waiting for an answer. It didn’t matter, I knew where to find her.

  “About half an hour ago.” I heard her mother’s answer all the same as I jumped the last step in the garage and ran to my Rover. Why would she do this? After what had passed between us yesterday I thought she understood. So why the fuck was she going down to the recruitment center?

  It was purely by chance that I’d learned this and a good thing too. I just happened to ask her mother in passing what her daughter was up to, framing my question in the most noninvasive way possible. When she innocently told me with pride that she was on her way to sign up to follow in her daddy’s footsteps I almost choked on the sip of coffee I’d just taken.

  I played it off well but I was sure my reaction had given her something to think about. I couldn’t worry about that right now though. Right now I have a woman to catch. Maybe I should spank her ass to get her to behave. Maybe I should’ve done it a long time ago. The damn girl is a nuisance.

  I drove like a bat out of hell to get there before it was too late. I still didn’t know why the hell she’d done it, but knowing her, she had her reasons. Whatever they were I’m going to paint her little ass red. I hadn’t stayed up half the night working this shit out for her to pull this stunt.

  I pulled into the parking lot around the corner and strode with purpose towards the office. I looked into the store windows as I passed out of habit and that’s how I saw her in the diner. My shoulders relaxed just a little before the thought that she might’ve already been to the recruiting office had me bolting through the door.

  Her head came up at the sound of the door slamming back into place and the cup froze halfway to her mouth. Her eyes went wide no doubt from the look of anger on my face. I walked over and took the seat across from her, biting my tongue before I yelled at her the way I wanted to.

  Not that I have anything against yelling at her, just not here. But once I get her ass alone… I just looked at her for the first few seconds until the waitress came over to see if I needed anything. “Just the check please.” I didn’t take me eyes off of her as I spoke to the older woman, who pulled a slip from her pocket and placed it on the table.

  I snatched it up as the pain in the ass reached for it. “I can pay for my own coffee thank you very much.” I ignored her and got enough money for the coffee and a tip. “Let’s go; and before you give me any shit know that right now at this very minute I have no problem dragging you out of here by your fucking hair. Now get up and let’s go.”

  She must be off her game because usually she would’ve told me something like, ‘my hair isn’t long enough to pull.’ Instead she flounced out of the chair and tried to beat me out the door.

  I caught up with her on the sidewalk and took her elbow, steering her back in the direction of my car. I knew she’d gotten a ride down here because she didn’t have a car. “Would you stop dragging me around? I’m not your little toy you know.” What the hell was she going on about now? It wasn’t important. I’ll get to the bottom of her shit once I had her in the privacy of the Rover.

  I sat her in the front passenger seat and belted her in. “You move from this seat and I swear to you you’ll regret it.”

  “Oh so now I’m gonna be the one with regrets. I thought that was your thing.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Go baby, before I do something I’ll regret.” She mimicked what I believe she thought was me and I remembered the words I’d said to her the day before down by the lake.

  “That’s not what I meant you little idiot.” I gabbed her chin and pulled her lips to mine, kissing her hard before letting her go. Shit, I’d just done that out in the open and I wasn’t going to kid myself that no one saw. I’m not that lucky. Fuck!

  I wanted to handle things myself, in the right way. But if it gets out that I was seen kissing her face off in the fucking town square there would be no hope of that.

  I slammed the door and walked around to my side. She had a look of bewilderment on her face when I climbed into my seat and took the wheel. “Well what did it mean then? I heard what I heard. I’m not stupid you know.”

  “No, but right now you’re giving a very good impression of it. A minute before I said that I also told you that I want you in my bed the first time I fuck you. Which part of that sounds like I regretted what happened?” She refused to look at me, which meant she wasn’t listening to a thing I say.

  “That’s not what it sounded like. It sounded like you regretted our kiss.” See, innocent. She doesn’t even know how to be coy, how to hide the hurt that I’d caused her. For me, that’s a breath of fresh air. In this town, among my circle, it’s like leading a fucking lamb to the slaughter.

  “We’ll talk about this when we get home. Did you… did you go to that office?” My guts tightened and I gripped the wheel as I awaited her answer. I saw the shake of her head out of the side of my eye and released the breath I didn’t know I was holding.

  I started the car and pulled
out of the driveway before I was able to speak again. I don’t know what I would’ve done had she already signed her life away. I was finally able to breathe easy again since her mother uttered those words.

  She looked down at her lap and played with her fingers, her little face set in a pout. I reached over and lifted her chin while keeping my eyes on the road. “I’m sorry I hurt you with my words, but that’s not what I meant okay.”

  She still refused to answer me and my frustration grew. “Lucia, you have to understand this situation, it’s… it’s not as cut and dried as all that.” Instead of heading back in the direction of home, I went in the opposite direction. I couldn’t be sure of our privacy if we went back and I needed to get through to her hardheaded ass so that she didn’t do this shit again.

  There was a nice little park a few miles away and that’s where I headed now. “What’re we doing here?” I stopped the car and walked around to let her out. “Oh so now you’re talking to me?” I helped her down and kept her hand in mine. She must not be too pissed because she wasn’t trying to pull away.

  “Did you have breakfast, or was that cup of coffee it?” I know she has a penchant for forgetting to eat. It’s not a diet or anything like that as I’d once believed, she just can’t eat when she’s stressed. And I know this because for the last six months at least, I’ve been the cause of her stress.

  “I’m not hungry.” I ignored her and walked towards one of the carts outside the park entrance. I chose an apple and some juice for her, not trusting anything else on offer. I’ll feed her once we returned to the house. Maybe by then she’d be happy again and I would see that beautiful smile instead of the look of misery she now wore.

  We walked in silence for the first few minutes, each of us lost in our own thoughts. “Where do you see this going Lucia? What is it that you want from whatever this is?” I’d always taken her feelings for granted, but never once had I given much thought to her wants. Just because she was in love with me, that didn’t mean she wanted to spend the rest of her life with a man that was eleven years older than she.