Starting Over (Sugar Creek Romance ) Read online

  Starting Over

  Jordan Silver

  Contents

  1. Julie

  2. Julie

  3. Julie

  4. Julie

  5. Kevin

  6. Julie

  7. Julie

  8. Julie

  9. Julie

  10. Kevin

  11. Julie

  12. Kevin

  13. Julie

  14. Kevin

  15. Julie

  16. Kevin

  17. Kevin

  18. Julie

  19. Kevin

  20. Julie

  21. Julie

  22. Julie

  23. Kevin

  24. Julie

  25. Julie

  26. Kevin

  27. Julie

  28. Kevin

  Epilogue

  Copyright © 2017 by Jordan Silver

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Created with Vellum

  1

  Julie

  Starting over. Who knew it could be such a pain in the ass? One minute it feels like the world is your oyster and there’re a million roads you can take. And the next, the fear threatens to choke the life out of you because you’re a thirty-one year old woman with two kids and no prospects for anything even resembling a future.

  If not for my kids, I just might take a long walk off the proverbial short pier. But the thought of leaving my poor babies alone in the world that had shown me nothing but all the ugliness it has to offer, makes me ill.

  I got lost in my head for a minute as I looked unseeingly out the window. Sugar Creek had changed a lot since I left. The town was a mix of ranchers and bikers but where once there was a bit of a divide between the two, everything seemed to be blending together these days. A lot of the guys around here were ex military and these days that laid back feel I’d known as a child had a bit of an edge to it.

  It had been ten years and a lot can happen in ten years, but somehow I never imagined I’d see the day when bikers and ranchers mingled together down Main Street. Even the shops had changed over time. Now instead of just the feed store and the grocers, and other ranching supplies establishments, there were bike shops and tattoo parlors mixed in.

  You were just as likely to see a cowboy with spurs walking down the sidewalk, as you were a biker in his leathers and the sound of a hog or two tearing through town. I shook off my daydreaming and finished getting ready.

  “Tiana, quit it and get down from there before you break your neck.” I pulled at the strap of my loose bra for the one hundredth time without much luck of making it do what I want, while trying to stop my youngest from falling over the back of the ratty old chair in the shabby room of the rundown motel, which is all I can afford until the lawyers straighten things out in the divorce.

  “Dylan, get over here and help me with your sister please.” I wasn’t looking forward to the look on his face when he dragged himself from in front of the TV to do my bidding. Since the split he’s been getting worse and I’m running out of options. Short of dropping him off at his dad’s door, which is what he keeps screaming is his greatest wish, there isn’t much I can do to make his life easier.

  My seven year old who was being made to grow up way too fast flounced himself off the bed and made his way over to my four year old who, bless her heart had no idea that her life had changed for the worse. At least there was that.

  Dylan, because he was older and was at that age where he knew more, felt the brunt of the mess that I’d made of my life. While his sister was still too young to grasp anything more than the fact that she was no longer going to bed at night in the princess room mommy and daddy had made for her.

  “I don’t see why I have to watch her, I’m just a kid you know.” I’d been hearing those words more and more often in the last few days since my once carefree little boy had been dragged away from his life of ease to…this.

  I called myself a fool for the one- hundredth time since our world had been turned topsy-turvy, but there was no use. Feeling sorry for myself, and questioning the decisions I’d made ten years ago when I was too young and stupid to listen to the guidance of people who knew better wasn’t going to put food on the table.

  “The sitter will be here any minute and then you can go back to your show.” I felt that hollowness in my gut, the one that has been a constant companion in the last few weeks. I am a horrible mom. I’d spent the first years of their lives not letting them spend too much time in front of the set and now I’m letting the damn thing practically raise them.

  It couldn’t be helped now though, and as soon as I got back on my feet things were sure to go back to the way they used to be. The knock at the door alerted me to Tracy’s arrival and I rushed to answer while trying to put an earring and a shoe on at the same time.

  “Hi Ms. Julie, sorry I’m late mom had to get gas.” The teen bounced into the room with all the glow of blossoming youth and dropped her bag and books on the wobbling table near the window. “Oh you’re fine sweetie. Do you remember where everything is?” It would be hard not to, seeing as you can take the whole room in at a glance.

  Her nod as she walked over to Tiana with a smile eased the knot in my gut. Tracy is the stepdaughter of my oldest and dearest friend. The only person who’d stood by me through all this, and one of the first I’d dropped at the behest of my husband when he was segregating me from everyone and everything I knew in the beginning.

  “I’ll be home by eleven, thank you so much for doing this.” She waved me off as I kissed my babies goodbye and headed out the door to my new job. There was a mixture of fear and excitement beating away in my chest as I climbed into my car.

  As I looked out the rolled down window at the scenery as I drove by, I felt a lot better. I guess it was being shut up in that stuffy room all day that was adding to my melancholy. Shit, I’m gonna have to get the kids out more then, because if it could affect me like this who knows what it was doing to them.

  There was no pool for them to play in like back home, no wide open yard with swings and no room packed with toys to keep them happy. I had to keep reminding myself that, I would get it all back one day. It might not be the same, but if I can just keep it together I can give them at least some of what they once had.

  There were times I wanted to give in, to just turn around and go back to the life I’d walked away from. But then I’d remember the beatings and the put downs and what that would mean to my kids who were now getting too old not to know what was going on any longer, and that gave me the strength I needed to put one foot in front of the other and run hard in the opposite direction.

  I looked down at the expanse of leg that showed above my knee and swallowed hard. It had been a while since I’d worn anything this risqué and I was feeling a bit self-conscious. My body wasn’t what it used to be before I got married and had two kids, but I was still proud of it.

  That may be the one thing I could thank my soon to be ex for. Because of his incessant put downs and criticism I’d struggled to keep my weight down after each pregnancy. I pushed him out of my mind since I didn’t want to give him even that much, the son of a bitch.

  It was three o’clock in the evening on a Wednesday and the place looked like it was already happening. I fought back the bile and uncertainty as I climbed out of my cluttered car. There was a line of bikes across one side of the lot and a few trucks scattered around. The windows were tinted, but the sign outside left no doubt
as to what type of place this was.

  I had Sandy to thank once again for this since it was her brother’s place, Kevin. He was another worry I had to overcome, another embarrassment from the past. I hope like hell he isn’t here tonight. I’m not quite ready to face him and see that look of ‘I told you so.’ Then again, if that’s all I get it would be a minor miracle.

  “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.” I tugged at my skirt and threw my bag over my shoulder with trepidation. I didn’t even reach the door before the leers and catcalls begun as I hustled my way inside.

  I searched the darkened interior for my friend who was the general manager of the restaurant and bar that was owned by her older brother. “Excuse me.” I brushed by a bearded behemoth who was making his way to the bar.

  “Whoa sweetheart, where did you come from?” I pulled my hand back and away from his grasp without daring a look at him as I made my way to the back where the offices were. Whatever possessed Sandy to think I could do this was beyond me.

  Sure I needed the money since my ex had hidden his assets and I was damn near penniless, but she couldn’t believe that I’d changed this much. This was way out of my comfort zone. The closest I’d ever come to a biker bar was on the screen.

  Well, Julie, you’re just gonna have to pull up your big girl panties and do what you’ve got to. You have babies to feed and you damn sure need to get out of that hellhole. It wasn’t that I wasn’t qualified for anything else. I had a college degree after all. But it wasn’t that easy landing a job when you’d done nothing with that degree since you got it. Not with jobs in such high demand and no real experience.

  2

  Julie

  “Hey you made it. Did my little stinker get there on time?” I smiled fondly as she prattled on the way I remembered from our youth, answering her when she’d let me. All the while I kept an eye out for the last person I wanted to see today or any other day for that matter.

  I’d spent the last ten years trying not to think of him, without much luck I might add, only to have him front and center in my mind every second these days. “You look spooked, look I told you, this job is easy. The crowd might be a little rough at times, but generally they’re harmless. Tyson and his crew are on the door and trust me nothing goes on here that should make you afraid. Kevin runs a tight ship.”

  “He’s here?” My pulse raced and my heart picked up speed in my chest. I’d be a liar if I said it was out of fear, though there was a bit of that. Her smirk didn’t help.

  “No, he’s still on the job somewhere but he checks in as often as he can. Plus these guys are part of his team so they know what they’re doing.” His team. Last anyone knew Kevin was part of some military outfit that was more hush-hush than the Kremlin, but that was years ago, before things got even weirder. Now no one knew exactly what it was that he was a part of.

  I’d lost touch with my old friend since a few weeks after the wedding because of Robert’s bullshit which I can only see clearly now that the dust had cleared, so I wasn’t too much in the know. But she’d been filling me in here lately since my return to the town where I’d grown up.

  “I wish I’d never left.” Where the hell did that come from? I hadn’t meant to speak that truth out loud. “Well you’re here now sweetie and we’re gonna get you squared away before you know it.” She walked over and wrapped her arms around me, something I didn’t know I needed until she did it. I fought back the tears of self-pity as we broke the embrace. Now wasn’t the time to fall apart.

  “So, let me look at you in that uniform.” She spread my arms open wide as she took in the short skirt and form fitting blouse that showed more skin than I was comfortable with. “You look great, now let me walk you through this again and you’ll be good to go. By the way ignore the other girls they tend to be a bit catty with newcomers, pay them no mind.”

  “Anyone in particular?” The last thing I needed was to get caught up in female drama. I had enough on my plate thank you very much. “Natalie. She sees herself as the queen bee around here since Kevin made the monumental mistake of sleeping with her once long ago.”

  That hurt, but I knew my friend could have no idea how much. She didn’t know the burning secret that I’ve been carrying for the past ten years. I hid my face under the pretense of checking my phone, but I was really just giving myself time for the blush to disappear from my cheeks.

  “So are they a thing?” I couldn’t help asking even though I made it seem like passing interest. Her snort assured me that it wasn’t so. “Nah, though she’d give her eyeteeth to make that happen. No, I think it was more like a slip in judgment on his part, but she on the other hand seems to have fallen hard. It’s been more than three years and she’s still holding out hope. You shouldn’t have a problem though since you’re an old family friend, which they all have been made aware of.”

  If only she knew. I felt bad keeping something this big from her, but how the hell do I start that conversation? I’d already betrayed her so much by cutting her off all these years, how do I tell her that one of the reasons that had been so easy was because of what I’d done with her brother that long ago night?

  The memory still had the power to make me uncomfortably hot and wracked with guilt. I was relieved when she changed the subject and moved onto something else. “I’ll show you where to put your things, everyone gets a locker with their own lock so you can store your purse in there during your shift. I have you trailing Lucy, she’s pretty good and one of the more even tempered girls. You’ll be trailing for three nights until you get the hang of it, with pay, but you don’t start making tips until you’re officially on the floor.”

  “The place really picks up at around five and doesn’t stop jumping until three in the morning, so you’ll be run off your feet. But believe me, the money is good and Kevin pays his staff way above the national average, so we’ll have you up and running in no time. I still wish you’d come and stay with Ron and me, we can certainly make room.”

  “Thanks but I can’t put you out like that. I’ve been looking through the papers and there’re a ton of places for rent. If the pay is as good as you say, I should be able to find something suitable before long.”

  If it were just myself I would’ve found something by now, but because Dylan had school and Tiana was going to be starting soon, I needed to find something close by. Plus I wanted the kids to have space and most of the places in the city didn’t offer much of that.

  “Suit yourself but you know the offer still stands.” When she grew quiet I knew what was coming next. “So how are you really?” The rub to my shoulder offered comfort and it would’ve been so easy to fall into the woe is me mindset that I’d been nursing for so long now, but my past treatment of my good friend held me back.

  “I’m okay, this was a long time coming. It’s not like I’m overly surprised. I just feel bad for the kids you know. Especially Dylan. He misses his dad and does not understand why he can’t have all the things he owned only a week ago.” It’s weird how that works. Robert never had time for his son but now that he was gone the boy seemed to have manufactured this alternate reality where he was the world’s greatest dad. I know it had more to do with the things he once had, like a home, than anything else.

  That still makes me feel like a failure, the fact that I couldn’t take care of my kids in the same fashion, as their abusive dad. I questioned my decision to leave for the thousandth time and still came back to the same answer. It was the only thing I could’ve done. It was one thing for me to excuse away his horrible treatment of me, but when that brutality started shifting towards my kids it was time to go.

  I rubbed my wrist where the phantom pain still lingered from the last time he’d snapped it like a twig….

  “Okay I can see that mind of yours working, let’s get you to work and your mind on better things to come.”

  I spent the first few hours looking over my shoulder expecting Kevin to show up any minute. After the obligatory hello
s, Lucy took me under her wing and showed me the ropes. Once my fear was gone and I saw the way she handled the more over zealous patrons, I felt my unease relax more as the evening wore on. There was only one hiccup, and that came when I met Natalie.

  If Sandy hadn’t warned me I would’ve picked up on the other woman’s hostility right off the bat. She looked me up and down when Lucy made the introductions and I wasn’t sure if to be relieved, or insulted, when she dismissed me with a look.

  I could see why Kevin had gone there; she was beautiful. Her blonde svelte looks begged the question of why she was wasting her time here when she could obviously do very well on any runway in the world.

  I had no right, but I felt just a little bit jealous at the fact that she had once known him. I well remember what that feels like. Since that road led nowhere good, I quickly shook myself off and paid attention to what Lucy was showing me.

  By the end of the night my feet were on fire and I felt like I’d been going for a week, but I did feel a great sense of accomplishment when the younger woman heaped praise on my head for the quick way in which I picked up everything.

  “No, thank you for being so patient. I have a new respect for the job sheesh.” We both laughed as we made our way back to the office so she could show me how to check out. The whole thing seemed simple enough and I wasn’t so afraid of falling flat on my face anymore.

  “Here, you rocked it tonight you deserve this.” I stepped back and away from her with my hands up. “Oh no I couldn’t. Sandy already explained that I don’t start making tips until after my training.”

  “Take it, trust me, I wished my trainer had done the same for me because I really could’ve used it…not that you look like you’re in need or anything.” She rushed to add on, making me laugh.