When Worlds Collide Read online

  I knew three weeks after we met that she was as in love with me as I was with her, poor little girl. But I knew from the beginning it would never be. She was too good for me and this lot. I won’t give them the chance to destroy her.

  Someone looking in from the outside might find me weak, might think why not just take what you want and everything else be damned. Some may even encourage me to fuck her and move on. They’d both be wrong in their assumptions.

  It’s not weakness that stays my hand, but love, pure unadulterated love, the likes of which I never knew could exist in the same world where I’d seen the most horrendous things men could inflict on one another.

  But can I afford to lose her? Can I afford to let her go? What would that do to me? Better yet, what would it do to her? She pretends to be strong and worldly, but I see the innocence written so plainly in her eyes each time she looks at me.

  Even when she’s facing off with me, I see the pleading in her eyes. And I know, that if I ever make the mistake of letting her see my true feelings for her we’d both be lost.

  Now I let her go as she’d asked and stepped back, not looking at her but at a place over her head. “What did you mean by leaving?” Please don’t tell me you’re going away.

  It’s selfish as fuck, but I can’t let her go. I could’ve paid for her to go to university, had even been tempted. But in the end I couldn’t stand the thought of her being that far away from me.

  So instead she was taking classes at the local community college because it was all her family could afford. She wasn’t an apt pupil, my baby was more interested in fixing cars and building things with her hands than in what could be found in a book.

  Not that she was illiterate, far from it. She just chose her own interest and apparently it wasn’t available in any high school in America. Her parents, were over indulgent. So instead of forcing her to keep her head in a book, they let her go her own way, follow her own interests.

  “I’ve decided I’m going to join the navy.”

  “Over my dead body.” I grabbed her collar roughly and pulled her back to me. Her words were like ice water dousing me from head to toe. They sent fear rushing through me, and my mind splintered into a million pieces at the thought of my sweet girl in the middle of that hell.

  “You have no say in what I do. Besides, didn’t you tell me how great being a marine is?” She would throw my words back in my face, but when I told her that it wasn’t to sell her on the idea. Fuck it, she’s not going, that life is not for her.

  “I didn’t tell you that so you could go get yourself killed you little idiot.”

  “If you can do it so can I. Or is it because I’m a woman?” She put her hands on her hips and glared up at me, always ready for a fight.

  “Your being a woman has fuck all to do with it. I know many women who have fought for their country and done it well. But not my woman damn you.” Fuck!

  Her eyes went wide and her mouth fell open, and what did I do? I let her go and walked away. What the fuck had I done? We’ve been playing this game for months now and I knew the only reason it hadn’t gone any farther was because I’ve been hiding what I feel from her. It was for the best.

  But hearing her say that she was willing to put her life in danger to get away from me, from the specter of us and what can never be, was too damn much. Just how fucking much is a man supposed to take?

  I headed back to the house and the privacy of my room to face this new thing, this door that I’d unwittingly opened. I knew she wouldn’t follow me, the hardheaded little shit. She has too much pride for that, and I needed to think. I haven’t been able to do that clearly since we started this little dance.

  I slammed the door behind me and made my way to the window for one last look at her. I was just in time to see her enter the little cottage that was her family’s home while they worked for my family.

  Her bent head made me feel like ten kinds of a bastard and I wanted to go to her. Funny how the things I’d once seen as soft and weak in others, the very things I’d sworn would never befall me, had now become part and parcel of my own life.

  Love wasn’t the weak emotion I once thought it to be. If the shit could bring a man like me to his knees, then I’d say it was extremely fucking powerful. See, this is what happens whenever I try to think. My mind becomes crowded with that damn word and its tentacles.

  She has me so wrapped up in her that I don’t know which way is up. I can orchestrate battles, face down death without a second thought, but I don’t know what to do with her. I know what I want to do to her, with her, for her, but my own principles won’t let me.

  As if to compound that point there was a knock at the door before my mother opened it and walked in. “Oh, you’re here. I saw Helen has left, do you two have plans for this evening dear?” I looked at her, the woman I’ve loved since birth.

  Her cool air and faint detachment not withstanding, she’s always been in my corner. Had she been any different, someone I could hurt and not give a damn, this would be so easy. But how could I break her heart? How can you hurt Lucia’s? Not now.

  “No, I’ll see her in a day or two.” I shoved my hands into my pockets and turned back to the window. “What is it son? What’s eating away at you? I know it’s not your service, is it the wedding?” She moved closer and joined me at the window. I moved away quickly so she wouldn’t guess what I was doing. Who I was staring at.

  “It’s nothing mother I’m fine.” I felt stifled with her here, and hated myself for it. It’s the same feeling I had earlier when Helen was here. Like the noose was tightening harder around my neck with each passing day.

  She didn’t stay long, just said something about dinner before leaving the way she came, and I went back to my brooding. I don’t know how long I stood at that window waiting to get another glimpse of her, but she never emerged from the house again.

  “What am I going to do Lucia? What the fuck am I supposed to do?” I’ll have to talk to her old man first things first. No way is she joining the navy, not on my watch. I have nothing against our armed forces, but as I’d so stupidly let slip to her, no way in fucking hell am I letting her go through the horrors that plague me at night.

  I don’t give a damn about women’s rights and glass ceilings. My mind doesn’t go in that direction, not when it comes to her safety. I may not be able to have her, but I’m fucked if some asshole somewhere is going to take her life because she was running away from me.

  I had to remind myself of all the reasons I couldn’t, shouldn’t have her. She was barely nineteen, she was innocent and she was too fucking good for me. That old argument didn’t seem to pack as much punch as it once did. I could feel myself weakening by the minute.

  Where will it all end? When will this daily confusion come to an end? When will the day come when I go to sleep and wake up without her being the first and last thing on my mind? When will my dick stop getting hard at just the mere thought of her? That last one I could answer easily enough. Never!

  3

  I didn’t get to talk to her old man that night, but sought him out first thing the very next day. I’d spoken to him numerous times in the last year, more to learn more about her than anything else. Though I couched my curiosity in the broadest terms so as not to give anything away.

  He had no idea that I wanted to sully his daughter. That if I had my way she’d be under me all day every day until her belly was swollen with child, my child. I’d never once let on to the need I had in me for her.

  I found him in the garden pruning the rosebushes. I never understood how the world worked when it came to this class shit. Here’s a man who works as hard as any I’ve seen. He’d served in the navy, a bunch of pansy ass squids I know, but at least he’d manned up when his country needed him.

  And yet, there’s a faction of our society who looks at this man, a man who’d come back from hell and done everything in his power to care for his family, as less than they are.

  “Morning Thomas.
”

  “Mr. Ethan.”

  “I’ve asked you not to call me that.”

  “Yes I know, but not only are you my boss, but you outrank me as well, so…” There was no point in arguing because he was just as stiff necked as his daughter.

  I couldn’t find the words to start the conversation without giving myself away. I’d walked the floor all night with my gut in knots. The only answer here was to let her go, but it was the only thing I couldn’t yet bring myself to live with.

  “Ah, yeah, so I ran into Lucia yesterday. Has she said anything to you about joining up?” He didn’t even falter in his clipping, just carried on as if I hadn’t just told him his only daughter was about to put her life in danger.

  Or maybe he doesn’t see it like that. Maybe he’d be proud to see her follow in his footsteps. In which case I might’ve just lost my only ally in keeping her little ass home, safe.

  “She mentioned it. Why?” Isn’t that the leading question? How should I answer?

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” And what the fuck does it have to do with you? I hope he doesn’t ask me that because I don’t have an answer I can give him.

  I’m almost engaged to someone else and the whole damn town knows it. If she were mine, scratch that, because no matter what, she is mine. So, if she were my daughter, I wouldn’t want the likes of me sniffing around her either.

  “Why not? You served, we both did. She’s a bright girl, strong. I think it would be good for her, give her some direction. She’s not like other girls, the navy might be the perfect thing for her.” Like hell.

  “With things the way they are I don’t…” The world was more unsettled now than it had been since the end of the Second World War. Not many know that, why would they? But some of us who’ve been tasked with the security of the nation can see the writing on the wall.

  “If it comes to that then we’ll need all the hands we can get. And we both know that if she’s made up her mind to do it there will be no stopping her. Besides, what else is she going to do? Stay around here and marry one of those yodels down at the Community College? Nah, my girl was made for greater things. I know her Mr. Ethan, whatever she sets her mind to she’ll do.”

  I can see there will be no help from this quarter, so I’ll do the only thing I had left to me. I’ll just bully her until she gives in as I usually do. Only she doesn’t take too well to threats and every time I’ve tried in the past she’d gone and done the opposite of what I’d ordered her to any damn way.

  I walked away without saying goodbye. I need another showdown with her like I need a hole in my head, but I have to at least try to talk her out of it. I knew she wouldn’t be in her house. It was one of her days off from class and she likes to spend her time down by the four acre lake that ran along the back of the property.

  I took my time getting there, trying to put together the right words, but at my first sight of her it all went right out of my head. She looked so sad sitting there, her head on her bent knees as she trailed her fingers through the water.

  I stood in the shadow of the trees for the longest time just watching her, taking her in. My sad little girl. She’s gonna break my heart. Before this is all said and done, I know she’s going to tear it out of my chest and crush it under her feet.

  Heaven forbid I should be the one to do it to her. I’d cut off my arm first before I do that to her. Would you asshole? What do you think you’re doing now? Why do you think she’s sitting over there looking so sad?

  Usually on a bright sunny day like today she’d be out on one of the old fishing boats I leave tied up by the dock down here. Or trying to catch the peacocks or the swans which I’m forever telling her are going to take one of her eyes out before long.

  I must’ve rustled the leaves of the low hanging tree or stepped on the brush beneath my feet. Something made her turn and look in my direction. “Don’t you dare move Lucia.” She was getting ready to bolt, something she’d never done before and I have to say I didn’t like the way it made me feel one bit.

  I walked over and stood over her wanting so badly to reach out and take. “Look at me Lucia.” She ignored me, even turned her head away. For some reason her defiance pissed me off. What the hell did she want from me? “What the hell do you want from me?” I pulled her up by her arm.

  She tried to wrestle her arm away from me but I held firm. “Stop it you little hellcat, before you hurt yourself.” This was the second day in a row that I’d allowed myself to touch her. Always in the past I’d been sure to keep my distance. Now I wondered how I’d ever forget the feel of her under my hand.

  I looked down at her realizing just how tiny and delicate she was compared to me. Her head barely reached my chin and though her arms were strong and slightly muscled, she was still so frail next to my behemoth height. I must have a good seventy pounds on her at least. And therein laid one of my biggest problems of all.

  If I took her, I could hurt her. I’ve always been aware of my own strength, especially in bed, and anything to do with the weaker sex. For fuck sake I’d slept with Helen once and never went back because she’d been in too much pain after. Well that and this one coming into my life. Helen is taller and she’s a good fifteen pounds heavier than she is.

  Not that I was in such a big hurry to go there again. I hadn’t enjoyed that shit even a little bit. And again I’m being an asshole. Helen’s not a bad woman, and none of this is her fault. She just happens to have the misfortune to be in love with someone who could never return her feelings.

  I know that as sure as I know my own name. If I go through with this, no matter what, I will never feel for her what I feel for Lucia. “Look at me sweetheart.” Another slip of the tongue, but she didn’t seem to be paying attention.

  “I said look at me.” I lifted her chin with my fingertip but she kept her eyes averted.

  “What do you want Ethan? You’ve already made your choice. I’m going down to the office tomorrow and sign up. I’ll be out of your hair soon enough and you can marry that hag and you can both get fu…”

  My mouth came down hard, covering hers, sinking my tongue inside, before I had the chance to think it through. She almost blew my fucking head off. Her taste was unlike anything I’d ever known.

  Sweet summer peaches and some unknown spice that I couldn’t name. She’d got into her mom’s peach cobbler I thought, or maybe it was her natural taste. Whatever it was, the shit was addicting. I wanted to stay there like that, with her held in my arms, close to my heart, forever.

  I ate at her lips, pressing the growing length of my cock hard against her middle until we both needed air, and even then I didn’t let her go. I couldn’t bring myself to. I’d walk barefoot across hot coals if I had to keep her. Of all the trials I’d faced and passed before, nothing felt like this. I had a feeling it would be the most important decision of my life. Maybe that’s why it was the hardest.

  “You’re not leaving me.” I held her so tight my arms began to ache but I couldn’t let go.

  “I can’t stay here. I can’t watch you marry someone else please don’t ask me to.” Because she would, I know she would stay if I asked her to, and what the hell would that make me? What a fucking mess.

  She rubbed her cheek lovingly against my chest right over my heart, and it melted. “Just one more.” Her voice was soft and filled with sadness as she lifted her lips up to mine and I lowered my head to take them.

  She went soft and pliant under my embrace, making it harder still to release my hold. I cupped her ass and lifting her to her toes, ground my cock into her pussy. I felt pre-cum bead at my cock tip and groaned into her mouth with such need it’s a wonder my heart didn’t give out.

  “Why do you taste so good baby?” I knew her lips would be raw and swollen when I let go, that’s how hard I kissed her. She didn’t complain, didn’t pull away, but pushed herself harder against me, doing some of her own moaning.

  Her tongue teased mine shyly and it was obvious that she hadn�
��t done this before. The realization only made me want her more. The thought of someone else having her made me see red and anger mixed with the confusion in my gut.

  I released one half of her ass and grabbed the back of her head. “You can’t leave me, I wont let you.” Even as I said the words I knew they were empty. She was right; she couldn’t stay here and watch me marry someone else. And my honor wouldn’t let me break an unspoken promise.

  I felt real anger at my mother for the first time during this whole mess. This was her doing. She’d decided my future before I had a choice, before I was given the chance to choose for myself. And now I’m in danger of losing the best thing that’s ever happened to me and ever will.

  “I have to.” So sad, so broken.

  “NO.” I yelled the word into her mouth as I gripped her hair harder in my hands. “I’ll kill you first.” I’d finally popped my fucking leash. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I will never let you go. Not in this life or the next.”

  4

  I don’t know how it happened. One minute I was kissing her like I would die without the taste of her, and the next she was on the grass beneath me. Our mouths fought for dominance as with everything else in our lives, but in the end I won, driving my tongue into her mouth while my hand eased beneath her top.

  The feel of her warm flesh beneath my hand for the first time was like a shock to the system. My hand actually trembled as I traced patterns on her flat tummy with my fingertips. I had to release her from the kiss when we were both in danger of suffocating. Even then I didn’t want to leave her.

  “You’re so soft baby.” My heart was in my fucking lungs. She felt like the first woman I’d ever had beneath me. All the others disappeared as if they had never been. There was no cautioning voice in my head telling me to pull back, to walk away. Just when I needed it most.