Babysitter's Club Sydney Read online

  Fear was the first emotion I felt back then. Fear of the unknown. I wasn’t too young to know that something bad was happening, but I was too young to understand what that something could be.

  How my once loving, always smiling father had turned to permanent scowls and a bad disposition whenever he had to spend any time at home.

  And the mother who’d be in the kitchen on any given evening when I returned home from school with a tray of freshly baked cookies, was now more often than not shut away behind closed doors, too weak and depressed to leave her bed.

  Then came the long weekends away from home. The father who had always been there was suddenly too busy to spare me a moment. My mother became more and more withdrawn.

  Next came the whispers from the neighbors and even some of the kids at school. The story unfolded and only spread more fear. Divorce, that word was bandied about more and more as the weeks went by.

  Piece by piece, little by little I started putting it all together. During the fights I’d sit outside their bedroom door, tears running down my face, my chest tight, as I listened to the world I knew unravel with harsh words.

  My father was having an affair with a much younger woman. Mom had found out and confronted him, but instead of putting an end to it as she’d hoped, he’d instead been relieved that his secret was now out.

  It made it much easier for him he said, that he no longer had to sneak and hide, and no, he had no plans on ending it. He was in love with this new woman and my mother’s feelings and apparently neither mine mattered one fig to him.

  For weeks mom tried to live with the new reality in our home. She even joined the gym, got her hair done and took care of herself even more than she’d already been doing. It broke my heart to see her go through that.

  To watch the once confident woman become a shell of herself. There was nothing wrong with my very attractive mother as far as I could see. Other people paid her compliments and men were always checking her out whenever we went out anywhere.

  So why had my father fallen out of love with her and fallen for someone else? It was all too confusing for my young mind, but it was then I learned my distrust of the opposite sex, of love and all its trappings.

  Something cold and dark was born in me during that horrible time and it only got worse when it all became too much for my mother, who lost her mind and was put in a mental institution when she tried to harm herself.

  Dad was dad for a day or two after that, but it didn’t last. He was back to being this new person that I hated in no time. Mom was still in that place when he filed for divorce, and she’s still there now, eight years later.

  I’d been confused and ashamed when I had to leave my home and move in with an older aunt of my mother’s. Dad did give her money for my care, but for all intents and purposes he was no longer a father or a husband.

  I never met this woman that had torn my family apart, not then anyway. But I hated her with a hatred so intense it consumed me. I became obsessed with this unknown woman who had such power that she could destroy a once happy home.

  As if life hadn’t already taken enough from me, dad was killed a year later in a car accident by a drunk driver going the wrong way. Apparently he’d been fighting with her in the car and wasn’t paying attention so couldn’t move out of the way in time.

  She survived with barely a scratch and went on with her life. It appears my fool of a dad wasn’t the only man she’d been seeing at the time.

  It was then I learned who she was. It was in the local papers at the time, the accident, and I learned the rest from listening to my aunt on the phone as she told the whole sordid tale to her friends.

  I made note of that name, Claudia Stephens. I didn’t know why at the time, I was still young, still innocent in some ways. And maybe that’s why the darkness was able to take over my mind, take control.

  Whatever the case, there came a point when I swore vengeance against her for destroying not only my mother’s life, but mine. She’d stolen my youth and a beautiful creature’s life.

  I put the book down and switched off my thoughts. Too much of that and I wouldn’t be able to control my anger. I couldn’t afford to slip up now, not now that I was so close to achieving the one goal that has kept me going all these years.

  I could’ve easily killed her long ago, but instead my plan was a bit more diabolical than that. I want her to watch me take everything away from her before I land the final blow. Death would be too easy for that soulless viper. A taste of her own medicine is just what she needs.

  I didn’t kid myself that anything less would make her see the light, or admit the error of her ways. But I had long given up hope of achieving such trivial things.

  With age and common sense, I’d learned that there were just some people who victimized others for their own sick enjoyment. I doubt she even remembers my mother’s name, or my father’s for that matter.

  I know for damn sure she never knew mine. Never had any interest in the young girl whose life she’d torn apart without a care in the world. Which in the end turned out to be more than a good thing. It’s how I was able to infiltrate her life, get close to her, and be here today.

  As I stood and pulled the cover-up on again, I fixed my breasts more comfortably in the swimsuit. Making sure to expose more of my flesh before hiding it again.

  Once back upstairs I took a nice long shower before heading back to my room. This time I chose another conservative dress and pulled my hair back in a low ponytail.

  I wanted to keep him guessing. Wanted him to yearn for those tantalizing moments of sexuality. Though the dress wasn’t revealing and came to my knees, it was cut in such a way that enhanced my cleavage and the trimness of my waist.

  I added a little bit of scent behind my ears and pulse points before heading to the nursery. The girls should be up from their nap by now and I mustn’t neglect my duties. Something tickled at the edge of mind, a stray thought that I easily squashed.

  No matter how good it felt being here, no matter what peace I felt when in the same room with him and his children, more peace than I’ve felt in too many years to count. I will not allow myself to fall in love with him, neither do I wish for him to fall for me.

  My aim believe it or not is not to hurt him, but her. And though what conscience I have left may prick me once in a while, I refuse to see anything wrong with my actions. So no matter how the thought may flow through my mind every once in a while, I will not turn back now.

  No matter how I’ve been entertaining the thought more and more since meeting him for the first time, I don’t want to stay here and be his wife and a mother to his children. Though wouldn’t that be poetic justice? And well deserved.

  Nonetheless, it was never part of my plan. My intent was never to stick around after the deed was done, but to move on and finally let go of the past.

  But as I got the girls out of their beds and took them from the room to go play, that niggling thought refused to leave me. Like a small kernel once planted that was fighting to grow. Would it really be so bad? Was it so horrible to dream? Or would that make me no better than her? No, it’s not the same.

  My mother was never the scheming conniving bitch that she is, and did not deserve the hand that was dealt her. While Claudia more than deserved what she had coming to her. If anyone deserved a taste of their own bitter medicine it is she.

  It would be so easy to run with that thought as justification. But no, once he finds out what I’d done, which he will if I hang around, there’s no doubt that he’d hate me.

  That’s too bad, because he’s the only man who’s ever made my heart beat fast, or make me wish for things I know I cannot have. Things I dare not dream of.

  Sydney

  I’d closed myself off from life for so long that I never had time for such things as romantic relationships. I don’t trust them and think they’re just people’s way to keep from being lonely as they go through life.

  In fact, after having a front row seat to
the breakdown of my parents’ marriage and seeing what it had done to mom, I’ve learned to think of all men as nothing more than the weak beings they are. Just like my father.

  I have an aversion to sex that was instilled in me in those days when I learned that that was the leading factor in my family’s downfall. As my aunt had put it, my father had followed his dick and brought a once flourishing family crashing down.

  Those words had stuck with me and warped my young mind somewhat. My disgust for anything male had only grown with time as I heard more and more of what had caused my father, the man I’d always seen as a pillar of strength to do something so horrid.

  I know better now of course, that not all men are weak, not all men cheat. But the damage had already been done. I’d hardened my heart against any romantic entanglements and anything resembling love. Until now!

  Now I find my mind drifting more and more to Sebastian Fisher and not just as a mark or a means to an end as he’d started out to be. But, as something more desirable. Somehow I’ve started cutting him from the herd so to speak.

  Now when I think of his eyes on me, or what it’s going to be like when I lure him to my bed, I get this strange fluttering between my thighs, my breasts start to tingle and I lose my breath.

  Even now I have this silly urge to giggle because I know I’m going to be seeing him soon. I’ve never giggled a day in my life, but somehow it felt as though I have to fight not to let the smile in my heart break free.

  I took the girls in to see him where he still sat in his study. For someone who was supposed to be taking the weekend off, he sure was working a lot.

  I knew from the look he gave me that that’s not all he’d been doing. I pretended not to notice the way his eyes ran over my body, or the way the tic in his cheek pounded while his eyes got that steamy hooded look.

  As the girls played and talked to him I sat off to the side feigning interest with a warm smile plastered on my face, all the while feeling the heat of his gaze and doing my best not to squirm.

  When it became unbearable I lifted my head and looked at him, he didn’t look away. Had he been anyone else, I would’ve given him a come hither smile, but I knew I was playing a dangerous game and now was not the time to change the plan.

  So instead I dropped my head quickly, keeping in character with the shy reserved girl on summer break from college who was studying child psychology and was using this job and others like it as a way to gain some insight.

  That’s the story I’d told when I applied for the job, and it was partially true. I am studying child psychology, but what would he say if he knew that the only reason I did that is because from the moment I knew of his children’s birth, I’ve had this plan forming in my head?

  Or that I had been studying his family from afar? Nothing about this had been left to chance. Each step had been calculated down to the minutest detail. Except one. I hadn’t expected to want him.

  But I’d gone through too much and come too far to let a little thing like that get in the way. After years of dreaming and plotting, I was now in the end stretch.

  It had been an easy thing getting rid of the old nanny. At about the same time I was feeding him information on his wife, I was dropping hints to her, anonymously of course, about the crush the nanny had on her husband.

  Funny, the woman who years earlier had seen nothing wrong with destroying a home and marriage was not too pleased when it came to her own front door.

  It wasn’t long before she was looking for a replacement and I was in the right place at the right time to fill the spot. Of course I’d been watching her every move.

  Reading every word she wrote on her computer with the little spyware I’d sent her in an email attachment with a brochure for a spa day. She never knew, never suspected that I had control of her computer.

  Once I got rid of the nanny and put the rest of my plan into action it was easy. I made myself out to be as unattractive as someone with my looks could achieve, and with all the right credentials and my tone and manner, landing the job was a cinch.

  I never did learn what excuse she’d used for getting rid of the other girl, and neither did I care. But it was obvious once she took the bait that she was afraid of someone taking her husband.

  It couldn’t have been easy in that home, what with him suspecting her of the things I’d let drop in my anonymous letters and she thinking he’d been getting it on with the much younger babysitter.

  But it was only the beginning of things to come. By the time I’m finished she’d wish she’d never laid eyes on my father all those years ago. My one regret is that I couldn’t tell her why this was happening. Then again, maybe one day I’ll find a way.

  But it doesn’t really matter if I never get the chance, it will be enough that my mother and I know. My mother, she has no idea any of this is going on. For the past eight years she’s lived in a world of make believe.

  The loss of her childhood sweetheart had so traumatized her that she never bounced back. And once dad died and there was no chance of them ever getting back together, she just seemed to give up.

  I’d been angry at her too, angry that she never gave me a second thought. But then I figured if her pain was as strong as mine or even stronger, then she had reason.

  I never want to be as weak as her though, and that is why I won’t let myself give into whatever this is that I’m feeling. I’ll never let myself be that vulnerable.

  The fact that there may not be any children in my future is one I’ve had to make peace with. What was the point of bringing children into the world if their father was going to turn into a simple minded asshole who’d pull the rug out from under them and tear their lives to shreds?

  Is that why I’ve grown so attracted to him? Because his pure love for his girls is evident in everything he does? It had been rumored that when they were born he’d set up a hefty trust fund for them the second they came into the world.

  It’s also been rumored by those closest to him, those who dared speak of such things, that he doted on the little ones. And I’d seen firsthand how he is with them.

  But how long will it last? Hadn’t my own father once doted on me in much the same way? Hadn’t he changed in the blink of an eye because something better came along?

  That is why I must do this and do it right before her eyes. Even if she doesn’t remember my father, he’s not the only one she’d stolen away from a loved one.

  She was known for it up until she got married, and even after. So it’s only fair that she bears the consequences of those actions. And that while she sits in that dark horrible room, not knowing what to expect next, she relives her past and sees the error of her ways.

  Too bad it will be too late by then. This is just the beginning of what I have planned for her. I will not be satisfied until she’s trapped behind a locked door in a padded room, just like she’d done to my mother.

  I can’t wait to subject her to her worse fear. To watch her scream and yell in fright while I laugh. Only then will she be allowed to leave that room. When she’s no longer the person she was and can be of no use to anyone. Not as a wife or a mother.

  Knowing that his gaze kept flitting back to me, I dare not let any of what I was feeling show on my face. But I suddenly had a new burst of energy and got down on the floor to crawl around with the adorable little girls.

  I got lost in them for a while, forgetting for those brief moments that I was here to destroy their mother and seduce their father. Forgetting that my life could never be this idyllic. That I would never be able to let go enough to put myself in the line of fire.

  I bit back the sadness brought on by that thought and gazed off into space for a minute. My heart felt sick. For the first time thinking about my lonely existence made me yearn.

  I wasn’t as lucky this time at cutting off those feelings like I normally do. Instead they persisted until I couldn’t help but look back at him. Our eyes collided and I felt my breath hitch as I fought not to get sucked under.
The heat in his gaze singed me and I looked away quickly lest I give too much away.

  Pull yourself together Syd. Don’t go building dreams in the sky. Whatever happens he’ll never be yours. He’ll probably never forgive you in this lifetime anyway so it’s a moot point.

  With my resolve back in place I took a deep breath and gave myself over to my time with the girls, putting their father completely out of my mind, or giving it my best effort in any case.

  It wasn’t easy though, feeling his constant stare. I felt like a poor unsuspecting animal caught in the crosshairs of some hunter’s scope. It was hell not looking back at him every five-seconds the way I wanted to, the way I felt almost compelled to.

  When he shifted in his chair behind me I almost jumped out of my skin. I did tumble over on my side, making the twins laugh uproariously, which helped to break me out of my trancelike state.

  My whole body flushed with embarrassment but there was no sound coming from him. I took a chance and peeked and sure enough he was still studying me.

  I started to worry just a little. That look was too deep, too meaningful. Almost as if he were on the scent of something. Like he was trying to figure something out in his mind.

  Oh hell, I’d gone too far down by the pool. I knew it. What gave me away? Where had I missed a step? I felt sick panic rushing in until I calmed myself again. No, Sydney, calm down. Everything’s going to plan.

  He can suspect nothing because you’ve been overly careful with every step you made. You left no hanging strings remember? This is just him being a man, doing exactly what you want him to do.

  Yes that’s it. He’s just doing what any man in his position would do. There’s nothing to worry about, he suspects nothing he knows nothing. Two more days and then it will be all over.

  Yes two days. The thought settled me down again but I was still a bit on edge. Now that I think about it, I hadn’t given myself much time to work with.

  I hadn’t wanted to be exposed for longer than was necessary lest I gave away my true identity, and that was still the best course of action. Just hold it together and everything will go as planned.